Embracing change and not knowing anything

They say “The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry”. No matter how carefully a project is planned, something may still go wrong with it. The saying is adapted from a line in “To a Mouse,” by Robert Burns.

We are not in control.

It was a blessing in disguise that I happened to feel the pull of the ocean.  The storm rolled in, driving wind and dumping literally buckets of rain on the RV and I discovered that the skylight in the shower leaked like a waterfall in this deluge.  Glad it happened while still in Oregon and not in Nebraska or Texas instead.  Needing to get it repaired under warranty and a few other things repaired that popped up while on this shakedown cruise, I called the repair shop at the dealership in Bend to set up a day to get it taken care of.  Unfortunately, they can’t get me in until June 27th, a whole month delay for my cross country trip plans.  With that turn of events, and the weather getting hotter and hotter in the southwest and south, I decided I will postpone the rest of my trip until fall when the weather starts to cool, all the kids are back in school and all the repairs are complete.

So we roll with the changes, stay open to the unknown.  As Kyle Cease says “fall in love with the unknown”.   I try and plan things, but stuff happens, and I have to adjust, go with the flow.  A whole new way of being, after being a single mom for so long who had to keep all the plates spinning for 3 humans and 2 dogs for a long, long time.  It is strange, unsettling and so freeing all at the same time.  But I think I like it.  I am learning to say Yes more often to fun and change when it comes my way, because I can. Whereas before I always felt the need to work more, plan things out, sacrifice for the good of all, put others first before myself oftentimes.  I feel the nervous energy dropping away that had me feeling like I had to always be busy, always be doing something.  It is replaced by a calm, a slowing down to smell the flowers, take long dog walks, and just observe the world around me.  I’m cool with the way it is.  How else can I be?

So while I wait for the repair date, I vow to meditate more, journal more, live in the moment, worry less, and be outside as much as I can, and play.  I can’t wait to see what happens next……

Whirlwind

It has been all about the wind the first few days of our journey…..First, just leaving Central Oregon was a challenge as the high wind gusts blew us out and over the mountain, me white knuckle driving and chain eating an entire bag of organic gummy worms while the gusts rocked the coach, causing new strange whistles and groans inside, as cars and semis blew by us.  Steve spent the entire time perched on the edge of his dog carseat, straining the tie, staring at me and shivering.  Did I mention he doesn’t like riding in cars?

After a few quiet days spending time with my 2 kids, eating good food, we headed East, winding up in the wind capital of Oregon, Hood River and Mosier.  Spending the night in the driveway of an old and dear friend, a lifelong windsurfer.  We explored the trails, Cascade Locks, stopping at places I had always just driven right by, in a rush to be someplace else.  Steve enjoyed the hikes and not being in the RV for sure, and, the sun was shining.  I’m pretty sure when I opened the door, he leaped out, yelled “LAND”, and kissed the ground.

Sometimes, my mind is like the wind, blowing every which way, changing it’s mind, going this way and that.  Where do I go, what do I do now, where do I fit in?  Sometimes, when other parts of your life drop away, freeing up time and space, it leaves you open for possibilities to come your way that you didn’t even know were options until you have freedom to choose and do anything you want.  Some changes are easy, some are hard and a challenge and we want to resist, others want to resist and want us to resist, but the changes happen and we roll with it, like the wind.  I have had a few big changes recently and I still need to process my way through, and so…..I decided to just drive……and the ocean called me…..

And here I sit, at the Oregon Coast, in the middle of a storm, with a front row seat, the wind and rain testing the RV and myself and Steve, who is still under the covers, hunkered down and we are riding it out.  A good day to write, accept the storm within and without.  It forces me to sit still, to stop being a whirlwind, feeling the need to always be doing, be busy, to shift gears and just be.

 

 

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